25 Memorable Jeremy Clarkson Car Quotes

If you’re bored, like looking at cool cars and have a spare 5 minutes then check out these 25 car quotes with pics from Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson. He certainly has a way with words. Enjoy!

1. “I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”

2. [On the Porsche Boxster] “It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.”

3. [When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel]

“When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.”

4. “I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.”

5. “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.”

6. “Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what… being stabbed?”

7. [On Detroit] “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.”

8. “Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”

9. [On the Renault Clio V6] “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

10. [On the Enzo Ferrari] “I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.”

11. [On the Porsche Cayenne] “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

12. “The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”

13. “Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”

14. “If you were to buy a BMW 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”

15. “That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”

16. [On a Chevrolet Corvette]

“The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

17. [On the Alfa Romeo Brera]

“Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

18. “A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.”

19. “This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!’”

20. “In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.”

21. [On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG]

“It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

22. “I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.”

23. “Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.”

24. “Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”

25. “I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”

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Formula 3 airflow restrictors and black holes

The July issue of RaceTech magazine contains a decent article by Marco de Luca and Angelo Camerini on the principles behind airflow restrictors, such as those used to limit engine power in endurance racing and Formula 3.

The authors explain that as the RPM of the engine increases, the suction of the engine lowers the pressure in the downstream portion of the air intake duct. With an airflow restrictor, this duct consists of an inlet, a converging section, a throat, and (in some cases, but not in F3) a diverging section. As the downstream pressure lowers, the airflow velocity through the throat increases until, eventually, supersonic speeds are reached. In this condition, the flow in the duct is ‘choked’.

Under normal conditions, when the RPM of the engine increases the pressure drop is communicated by means of pressure waves travelling upstream to the external atmosphere at the speed of sound. When the flow velocity becomes supersonic in the throat of the intake duct, these pressure waves can no longer breach the throat, and the engine’s demand for greater mass-flow is unsatiated.

What the RaceTech authors sadly omit to mention, however, are the similarities between such airflow regimes and the event horizons of black holes.
Physicists have been aware for some decades that fluid flow can influence the propagation of sound in the same way that black holes can influence the propagation of light. The classic example of such an analogy is perhaps the Laval nozzle. This contains a converging section, which accelerates a subsonic upstream flow so that it reaches the speed of sound in the throat of the nozzle. Then, (unlike the case of the air restrictor), the airflow is maintained in a supersonic condition downstream.
The subsonic region of the ‘acoustic geometry’ corresponds to the exterior of the blackhole spacetime geometry; the throat corresponds to the event horizon; and the supersonic region corresponds to the interior of the black hole.
Sound waves propagating upstream in the subsonic region are doppler shifted to longer wavelengths, just like the light escaping from the clutches of a black hole. Moreover, all sound waves in the supersonic region are swept further downstream, just as light is unable to escape the interior of a black hole. (See this Scientific American article by Theodore A. Jacobson and Renaud Parentani for an accessible introduction to the field of acoustic black holes.)
I look forward to a subsequent article by Marco, which explains the analogies between exhaust systems and white holes.

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All eyes on Austin as MotoGP touches down in the USA

All eyes on Austin as MotoGP touches down in the USA

When the fans arrived at the Circuit of the Americas in Austin, Texas last year, little did they know that they were about to play host to what would become a hatrick of victories in the USA for Marc Marquez in his rookie MotoGP season with the superfast Spaniard securing his first victory on American soil from his Repsol Honda teammate Dani Pedrosa. Fast forward to 2014 and reigning MotoGP Champion comes to Austin on the back of a thrilling victory against Movistar Yamaha rider Valentino Rossi.

While Marquez will be reliving his winning strategy from last year, Rossi will aim to improve on his sixth place finish and back up his stunning pace under the floodlights in Qatar three weeks ago. Pedrosa also comes into the race off a third place finish in the first round and the Spaniard was unlucky not to have won the Red Bull Grand Prix of the Americas last year after leading the race for 12 laps last year.

Jorge Lorenzo, Yamaha Factory Racing

Jorge Lorenzo, Yamaha Factory Racing

Photo by: Yamaha MotoGP

Jorge Lorenzo will be focused on getting points on the board after crashing out of the first round while in the lead for the Movistar Yamaha team. Lorenzo has an improved YZR-M1 this year but the two-time MotoGP Champion is still struggling to get to grips with the 2014 Bridgestone rubber but despite this a third place finish here last year will give him something positive to focus on.

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Ducati Team goes Texas-bound at the Circuit of The Americas

Following the opening round of the season in the Qatar desert, the Ducati Team is set to arrive in the United States for the first of two rounds this year on US soil.
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Via: motorsport.com

Bridgestone MotoGP: Qatar debrief with Shinji Aoki

Repsol Honda’s Marc Marquez won the MotoGP season opener at Qatar’s Losail International Circuit, as the reigning World Champion claimed victory ahead of Movistar Yamaha Racing’s Valentino Rossi and Repsol Honda’s Dani Pedrosa who finished in second and third place respectively.

Weather conditions for the race were cool and humid, with a peak track temperature of 20°C for the … Keep reading

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